chinnathurai

we are lucky to born in....

Most hilarious dialogues of Mr. Jeppiar

These  r a few comedies about  Jeppiar The Great....
 Nice to read...read it fully..u will really enjoy it..
 
 The chairman of the famous JEPPIAAR group of engineering colleges talks
to
his students.
 Jeppiar?....Satyabama engg college, St.Joseph's engg college CEO!
 # Boys are not allowed to talk with girls in sathyabama engg college
and
vice versa ....
   Jeppiaar told abt this rule in a function to parents like this....
 BOY - BOY talk no problem
 girl girl talk no problem
 boy girl talk proooo bleeeem
 # About his family :
 ----------------
 * I have two daughters. Both of them are girls...(?)
 # At the ground :
 -------------
 * All of you, stand in a straight circle.
 * There is no wind in the balloon.
 *The girl with the mirror please come her...{Meaning girl with specs).
 # To a boy, angrily :
 -----------------
 * I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?
 # Giving a punishment :
 -------------------
 * You, rotate the ground four times...
 * You, go and under-stand the tree...
 * You three of you, stand together separately.
 * Why are you late - say YES or NO .....(?)
 # Sir at his best :
 ---------------
 Sir had once gone to a film with his wife.
 By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at
 the theatre, though the boy did not see them. So the
 next day at school... ( to that boy ) - "
 Yesterday
 I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"
# Inside the Class :
 ----------------
 * Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
 * Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force  come in.
 * Cut an apple into two halves - take the bigger half.
 * Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away in the corridor
 * You, meet me behind the class. (meaning AFTER the class .. )
 * Both of u three, get out of the class.
 * Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today
...
 * Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
 * Take 5 cm wire of any length....
 ********************
# Once jeppiar had come late to a college function, by
 the time the function had started, so he went to the
 dais, and said, sorry i am late, because on the way my
 car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).
 
# This is the way his english will be but let me tell u some of the
dialogues  my  friend heard during sathyabama college day 2001
This college strict u the worry ..... no ...
You get good marks, I the happy,
Tomorrow u get good job, I happy,
Tomorrow u marry, I enjoy.
# In st.Joseph freshers day 2003 -
No ragging this college. Anybody rag,  we arrest the police.

Do you know?

Letters 'a', 'b', 'c' &'d' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 99
(Letter 'd' comes for the first time in Hundred)

Letters 'a', 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999
(Letter 'a' comes for the first time in thousand)

Letters 'b' & 'c' do not appear anywhere in the spellings of 1 to 999,999,999
(Letter 'b' comes for the first time in Billion)

And

Letter 'c' does not appear anywhere in in the spellings of entire English Counting

jokes

I have good news and bad news," the defense lawyer says to his client.

"What's the bad news?"

The lawyer says, "Your blood matches the DNA found at the murder scene."

"Dammit!" cries the client. "What's the good news?"

"Well," the lawyer says, "Your cholesterol is down to 140."

------------------

 There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail. The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked the man, “Where do you work?”

The man said, “Here and there.”

The judge asked the man, “What do you do for a living?”

The man said, “This and that.”

The judge then said, “Take him away.”

The man said, “Wait, judge when will I get out?”

The judge said to the man, “Sooner or later.” 

---------------------------------

 A dog was chasing a sardar and the sardar was laughing....a bystander ask...y r u laughing.....sardar said i have airtel phone but still hutch network is following

 ------------------- 

Raja n Rani tired of using mobiles ,decided to use pigeons.One day pigeon reaches raja with out message.Angry Raja calls Rani ,Rani says idiot it was a misscall.

--------------------

One sardar entered in to his kitchen and opens sugar box, looking inside and closes it. This he does it again and again,

Why?
B`cas Doctor told him to check his sugar regularly
.

-------------------------

LAUGH OUT LOUD, ITS FUNNY

 Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ? 
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming  back from the office  
  
koi apni biwi ka antim sanskar karke ghar ja raha  tha ki achanak bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se 
baarish shuru hui dukhi aadmi bola:

Lagta hai pahunch gai 


How do you fit 30 marwadis in a Maruti 800 ? 
Throw a 100 rupee note inside 
 

 A small boy wrote to Santa Claus : " Send me a brother " 
Santa wrote back : " Send me your mother " 
 
 
 
What is the full form of singh: S-sardar I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai. 
 
 
Angry sardar-Oye mein is duniya ko mita dunga - mita dunga- mita dunga. 
Another sardar standing besides said mein tujhe rubber nahi dunga. 
 
 
Santa singh: Can u spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it? 
Banta singh: Post office. 
 
 
Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says,"  break nahi mar sakta tha kya? 
Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....." 
 
 
Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya soch rahe 
honge....think............. 
"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI" 
 
 
Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho? 
Friend: B.A. 
Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur  woh bhi ulte. 
 
 
A friend asks sardar how was ur exam? 
Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK. 
I thought, thought & finally i wrote 'THUNK'. 
 
 
Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz su nai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta. 
Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai? 
Sardar: Phone karte waqt. 
 

Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek sardar jhad se ulta latak ke gaane 
laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, Sardar bola oye side B gaa raha hun. 

 

  

one Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here. "The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship. "Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

A bunch of short jokes

Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son: Just a radio, dad, with a sports car around it.


The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"
"Sure, " replied her lover "What's your phone number?"


Young Man: Would you like to dance with me?
Young Woman: Do you expect me to dance with a baby!
Young Man: I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were pregnant.


If a man is bald at the front, he is a thinker.
If he is bald at the back, he is sexy.
If he is bald from front to back - he thinks he is sexy.


A psychiatrist met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard you died."
"But you see I'm alive ," smiled the friend.
"Impossible," said the psychiatrist. "The man who told me is much more reliable than you."


A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked,
"Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?" "Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be ," said the patient with joy, "I have been illiterate for so long."


"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."
"Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a big kiss to my wife and the pain disappeared. Why don't you try it?"
"Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."


Court scene:
1st Lawyer: You're a fool
2nd Lawyer: And you're a damn fool.
Judge : As the learned lawyers have now identified each
other, can we now proceed with the case.


The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"
The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."


A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are?
He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?"
"I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don't know her
well enough."


A priest, seeing a blank signboard hanging on a lamppost
wrote upon it: "I pray for all."
A Solicitor wrote underneath: "I plead for all."
A doctor added: "I prescribe for all."
A simple citizen wrote: "I pay for all."


Wife : u delivered an excellent speech.
Hubby : Thanks dear, but the audience was full of fools & idiots.
Wife : Is that why u addressed them as your brothers & sisters?


After a dinner speech, the speaker scolded his secretary:
"Why did you write such a long speech for me? U saw how those people were feeling bored!"
The secretary replied, "Sir, it wasn't a lengthy speech at all; but I did make one mistake- I gave u all 3 copies of the speech."


A Rotary visitor to Japan told a joke lasting 2 minutes.
The interpreter then translated using only a few words. Everyone
laughed. Afterwards the visitor asked the interpreter how he
translated such a long joke so quickly. "Well, I didn't think
they would get the point, so I said, "Our guest has just told
a joke. Everyone please laugh."

 

I told God

I told GOD: Let all my friends be healthy and happy forever...! 
GOD said: But for 4 days only....! 
I said: Yes, let them be a Spring Day, Summer Day, Autumn Day, and Winter Day. 
GOD said: 3 days. 
I said: Yes, Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.
GOD said: No, 2 days! 
I said: Yes, a Bright Day (Daytime) and Dark Day (Night-time). 
GOD said: No, just 1 day! 
I said: Yes! 
GOD asked: Which day? 
I said: Every Day in the living years of all my friends! 
GOD laughed, and said: All your friends will be healthy and happy Every Day! 
Send this to your friends and bless them with good health and happiness... 
Pass on the warmth despite the ever-changing weather... 
P.S. GOD said Good friends must keep in contact!

 

Why Love IS Blind?


A long time ago, before the world was created and
humans set foot on it for the first time, virtues and
vices wandered bored, not knowing what to do.
One day, they were all gathered and bored more than
ever when Ingenious had an idea: Why don't we play
hide and seek?

All of them liked the idea, and immediately the mad
Madness shouted: I want to count, I want to count and
since no one else was crazy about seeking Madness,
Madness leaned on a tree and started to count, 1, 2,
3.

And as Madness counted, the vices and virtues went hiding.

Tenderness hung on the horn of the moon; Treason in a
pile of garbage; Fondness curled up between the
clouds; Lie said he would hide under a stone but he
lied and hid at the bottom of the lake; Passion went
to the center of the earth; Avarice entered a sack
that he ended up breaking.
And Madness continued to count, 79,80, 81,82.
All the vices and virtues were already hidden by then,
except for Love, whom as undecided as he is, did not
know where to hide. And this should not surprise us
because we all know how difficult it is to hide Love.

And Madness was already at 95, 96,97.
And just at the moment when she arrived at hundred,
Love jumped into a rosebush and there he hid out.

And Madness shouted "I'm coming! I'm coming!" and as
she turned,the first one she saw was Laziness, thrown
to her feet because he didn't have any energy to hide.

Then she saw Tenderness in the horn of the Moon, and
Lie at the bottom of the lake, and Passion in the
center of the earth...

Discovering them one by one, finding all of them but
one. Madness was getting desperate, unable to find the

last missing one, until Envy, envious for not having
been discovered, whispered to Madness:

"You are lacking Love, and he is hiding in the
rosebush."
And Madness took a wooden pitchfork, and stabbed at
the rosebush, and stabbed and stabbed, till a
heartbreaking shout made her stop.
And, after the shout, Love came out covering his face
with his hands, and from between his fingers run two
threads of blood, out of his eyes. Madness anxious to
find Love had taken out Love's eyes with the
pitchfork.
"What have I done? What have I done?" she shouted, "I
have left you blind! How can I repair it?"
And Love answered, "You can't restore my eyes. But if
you want to do something for me, you could be my
guide."

From that day on, Love is blind and is always
accompanied by Madness.

-------------tony

THEORY BEHIND LIFE OF HUMAN BEINGS 

God created the donkey  and said to him.

"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from
sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You
will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you
will live 50 years."

The donkey answered:

"I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much.
Give me only 20 years" God granted his wish.
......................................................

God created the dog and said to him:

"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best
Friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and
you will live 30 years. You will be a dog. "

The dog answered:

"Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15
years. "

God granted his wish.
.......................................................
 

God created the monkey and said to him:

"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to
branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will
live 20 years. "

The monkey answered:

"To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."

God granted his wish.
.......................................................

  Finally God created man and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the
face of the earth. You will use your intelligence to
become master over all the animals. You will dominate
the world and you will live 20 years."

Man responded:

"Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is
very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey
refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and
the 10 years the monkey refused.

" God granted man's wish
.......................................................

  And since then, man lives 20 years as a man, marries
and spends 30 years like a donkey, working and
carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown, he lives 15 years
like a dog taking care of the house and eating
whatever is given to him,so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his
grandchildren.

That's Life.

Is'nt it?